I bet you can guess what this post is going to be about!

HOW TO MAKE THE WORLD’S BEST CARROT CAKE

Haha. just kidding. That’s right, the Topliff Hall of Fame for worst injuries! who will go first?

Hmmm…

Let’s see. How about Doc.

My dad was bathing Doc and I was sitting next to my dad, asking him a few questions for a school project. My dad was in the middle of answering my question when we heard a splash followed by a wail. We turned and saw that Doc had slipped in the bathtub and bit his lip. We took him out of the water and carried him down in a bundle of towels and blankets. Three episodes of Sesame Street and one oversized ice pack later the incident had been forgotten. (At least by Doc.) To this day we keep in mind the consequences of not paying 100% attention to the two-year-old with the wild gleam in his eye.

And next up…

(Brace yourself)

Me!

I was at our swim club, Hazel was doing with her swimming lesson and I was done with mine. I was too small for the big water slide but too big for the small one. With nothing to do I decided to go on the slide that was too small. (At this point you may be feeling like this is a recap of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, but hang in there, you’ll see!) When I was halfway down the slide, a toddler decided to pass the bottom of it, and if I kept sliding, I would have knocked her down. So as the kind and courteous six-year-old I was, I let her pass. The kid behind me was starting to get impatient and slid down while I was waiting for the toddler. I hit the bottom of the 1-1/2-foot deep pool and bit through my lip. Which led to an adrenaline-fueled drive to Urgent Care. Urgent care turned into the ER, and as a kid I was definitely the oh-my-gosh-it’s-a-needle-retreat-retreat-ahhhh kind of kid so I needed to be sedated. After very thorough instructions to not move and an iPad distraction, they asked me to count to 50 while the sedative did its job. The doctor said no one had ever gotten to 50 and I was almost record crushing. I faded away right after 49. (I didn’t even know I could count that high.)

After my mom gave VERY clear instructions to the doctor to avoid a scar that would create complications in lipstick application in the future, the doctors set to work and took their time with the 4 stitches. And I lived happily ever after, The End.

Okay, glad that sob-fest is over. Next up… the one, the only, ladies and gentlemen…

Miss Hazel Topliff!!! (The crowd applauses and leans forward in their seats.)

Hazel was sitting at her table in her room, rocking back and forth on her chair, when she suddenly stood up. Because she had been rocking in such large movements, the chair was still rocking when she got up. She turned back to the chair, which was still rocking, when it struck her. The evil chair made its move, creating a goose egg on her foot . She limped downstairs, wailing, and after a quick drive to the ER, our protagonist learned that it was just a lump, not serious at all, and that chairs are evil. The End.

Next up… Give him a hand folks! It’s Braaaaaad Topliff!!!

My dad was running up the stairs using the handrail to propel himself and when he got to the zig zaggy halfway landing, and accidentally punched the wall. He heard and felt a popping sound. He didn’t think much of it and continued up the stairs. He started to feel lightheaded but didn’t take it seriously. A few days later, he was carrying a load of boxes to UPS, when the boxes shifted unexpectedly. He quickly adjusted his grasp to prevent the boxes from falling, when a sharp pain shot through his hand. After many discussions (arguments!) with my mother about whether he had seriously hurt himself (and about how fractures and breaks could be the SAME THING), he went to the doctor and discovered that his hand was broken (or fractured.)

Then he got a cast for a few weeks and though he was quite a HAND-ful, we lived happily ever after. The End.

Finally… My mom.

She has had no “worst” injuries worth mentioning. I know, I know, you don’t want to say good bye but unfortunately all good things must come to an end.

Happy Friday!

-Grace